Monthly Archives: August 2011

Chopped Liver

Posted in Babies, Comedy, Daughters, Parenting by

When you have a belly the size of a beach ball and you can’t see your toes any longer, people tend to pamper you. They offer you something to eat or drink every 15 minutes, they pick things up off the ground for you, and they will even let you cut in line at the grocery store. Being pregnant was awesome! The world revolved around me, er, my belly, for 9 months. Every day I woke up feeling like a walking miracle factory.

I had a very easy pregnancy. The only drawback was occasional heartburn which was totally manageable. I could sleep in until 10 and take a nap whenever I wanted and nobody would accuse me of being lazy. In fact, everyone said I needed my rest and encouraged me to rest. Annnnd I was encouraged to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it. (Eat your heart out, Oprah).

Then the baby came. My taunt round belly deflated to a flabby balloon and there was no time for sleeping whatsoever. Nobody gave me unsolicited smiles or perks of any kind. Plus, I had to share my baby with the world. Double whammy. She was no longer mine alone.

It’s easy to feel like chopped liver as a new mummy. Nobody is fawning over you anymore, but really they never were. While I had my baby bump, all the attention wasn’t really for me, it was for the life growing inside. Now, I’ll gladly step aside to let my daughter have the spotlight because I know that for the next handful of years I’ll still be numero uno in her eyes. That’s enough to make me feel like filet mignon!

Bieber Fever

Posted in Babies, Comedy, Daughters, Parenting by

Listening to a children’s version of  “The Wheels on the Bus” while driving around doing errands sounded like my own personal hell. I was never gung ho about kids, yet I wanted so badly to have a baby and be a mom. Weird–I can’t explain it. I remember when I was pregnant and in a store where a child was having a meltdown, I froze thinking…”What am I doing? This is about to be your life.” There were moments when I found myself saying that I didn’t want to give up my music, watch cartoons, or trade Quentin Tarantino for Barney but this was all before the baby arrived. The minute she got here I was a silly, googly mess willing to do anything to make her happy. And now I realize that whatever she wants IS my command. It really is her world and we are merely her puppets.

If she wants to sing along to Alvin & the Chipmunks even though I can’t stand their screechy voices, then so be it! And if she wants to watch Finding Nemo on repeat, wish granted. Sure, I’m probably setting myself up for the makings of a spoiled little princess (never, not my angel!) but I’ll cross that bridge later.

Since I’m her biggest fan, I’m sure I’ll love anything she loves. Well, not anything…I would never like Justin Bieber and I pray that she has better taste as she ages. But then again, I was a NKOTB fan so I can’t really hold anything against her. She’s sure to make a couple bad decisions here and there. And if loving the Justin Bieber of her time is one of them, I’ll be a happy mummy.

Some parents try to fit their baby into their lives while others build a new life around their baby. I hope that the hubby and I are in the latter group with a bit of the first sprinkled in. I think it’s good to expose your kids to things you enjoy without holding on to any expectations. We can’t wait to introduce her to The Bouncing Souls and take her for her first surfing lesson (she’ll probably hate both.) In return, I’m sure she’ll introduce us to things we never even considered…I just might end up with Bieber fever after all!

Mummynesia

Posted in Babies, Comedy, Daughters by

Becoming a mom is a little like getting roofied (at least I’m guessing since I’ve never actually been roofied.) But from what I’ve heard on shows like CSI or Law & Order, getting roofied and raising a baby will leave you passed out with random body parts exposed and weird fluids crusted on your skin. You wake up very groggy not quite remembering the last thing you were doing. That sums up my life perfectly at this point!

“We don’t even remember what life was like before the baby” is a commonly used phrase by new parents.  Mummy & Daddynesia at work!  Non-parents smile at the sickly sweetness of this while veteran parents think, “And you never will, ever again.” I always thought it meant that the new parents were basking in the glow of their newborn baby they loved so much, but it’s probably closer to not knowing which end is up in the midst of the newborn vortex. I just knew that I would use this clichéd expression when talking to people about the ways my life changed post-baby because it is true. From the moment you give birth, your life is forever changed and your old life is not put on pause, it’s simply gone.

So what does that mean for your old identity? My mom likes to quote “them” saying, “They say you shouldn’t lose sight of who you are. Don’t give up everything.” This coming from the mom whose life was her children. I get what she’s saying. I should continue to do the things that I did before my daughter so I don’t have a mental breakdown and a real identity crisis when she eventually doesn’t need me anymore and I’m left clutching her woobie and crying in the corner. Maybe this “Mummynesia” is a good thing…how could I miss what I don’t even remember?