No Longer a Baby

Dear E,

Today was your first birthday! I don’t know how it happened because I swear the last thing I remember was…what was the last thing I remember? Who knows! The past twelve months have been a complete blur. But a blur of love, countless hours of laughter, and too much happiness.

You’re officially a big girl now. And you look the part. You’ve lost your baby face and you’re sprouting more hair (even though you barely have enough for a bow — sorry you get that from me). You’re so close to taking those first steps into toddler territory. You’ve taken a couple half steps here and there which is totally exhilarating, but you’re just not ready yet. And that’s fine. No need to rush everything!

To celebrate your first year on Earth, Daddy played hookey from work and we took you to the zoo. It was so much fun. You go absolutely wild over the animals. We fed a giraffe and although you didn’t get to pet it, you were thrilled to be so close to it. As we were driving home and you were in the backseat passed out and mouth-breathing, I had this feeling that I didn’t do enough for your birthday. I had this urge that I needed to do something really spectacular like set off fireworks or throw a parade, but then Daddy reminded me that you weren’t even aware that it was your birthday and I was doing a great job. I realized he was right and thought that spending the day together making memories is something that will last a lot longer than fancy fireworks.

After the zoo, we came home and gave you a cupcake with pink sprinkles and homemade frosting. You stuffed it right in your mouth like we knew you would. You are the world’s best eater and this was your first real taste of something sweet. We’re sure we’ve ruined you and you will demand cupcakes for every meal. But good luck with that. You’ll just have to watch us enjoy them while you nibble on veggies. Ha-Ha!

The dogs opened your presents for you and played with your toys more than you did. You were perfectly happy playing with the paper and cardboard from the boxes. So predictable. Now you’re sound asleep dreaming of cupcakes and giraffes and already working on getting older.

I hope you had the best 1st birthday imaginable because you’ve made my life happy beyond comprehension! I love you oodles!

Happy 12 months my love.

T- minus 1 Week

I have exactly one week left until my daughter turns one…let the crying ensue.

It seems so surreal. For the longest time it was strange to think I’d actually given birth, became a mom, and had a daughter of my own. (Some days it still feels surreal!) And now I have to wrap my head around the concept that she’s not really a baby anymore but on her way to becoming a toddler. Waah, it’s not fair.

My friends try to tell me that it’s an exciting time, not a sad time. But it is sad. Yes, I love all the new things she’s doing and ways she’s growing and changing, but I’ll never have my cuddly little baby back. Not to mention that she’ll be a teenager before I blink. I know I shouldn’t be complaining — I’ve had the opportunity to spend a lot more time with her than most moms get because they have real jobs in the real world, but I want more time. I look at pictures of her from a few months ago and I hardly remember her chubby cheeks and roly-poly body. The way she cooed or flailed her arms around as if they weren’t her own.

It’s such a weird thing to be a parent. One minute you’re laughing hysterically filled to the brim with joy and the next you’re bawling your eyes out for no apparent reason. Just your everyday schizo.

I’m going to try my hardest not to act like a complete nutcase on her birthday. I’m excited for the huge milestone, but I might need to be shot in the ass with a tranquilizer dart especially once the singing starts.