Nothing creeps me out more than a grown man waving and smiling at my baby. Before you call me crazy, let me remind you that I watch way too many Dateline specials to trust ANYONE in this world. So when Chester the Molester is staring and grinning at my daughter while she’s in the grocery cart at the store, it takes everything in me not to kick him in the balls and run in the opposite direction. I try to give these weirdos the benefit of the doubt, rationalizing that they’re probably grandfathers and fathers themselves. But if this is true, why do most of them look like they just escaped from a mental hospital or prison?

If it walks and talks like a child predator…

Eek!

Today there was a strange man in front of us in the checkout line. He kinda looked like that scary ghost on the subway from the movie, Ghost (at least that’s the description I would’ve given to the police). His faded jeans were pulled up to his neck and his tennis shoes were very white, as if he spent all day and night cleaning them with a toothbrush. He asked how old my baby was. And if she was a boy. Then he mumbled something about her being adorable and something else that was inaudible. I avoided eye contact while emptying my cart onto the conveyor belt, preferring to keep our interaction short. Whether it was my overly cautious nature or the fact that I could see this guy sitting across from Chris Hansen on To Catch A Predator, he definitely made my Momma bear claws come out.

I don’t like being so judgemental about these guys, but it’s almost like they’re asking for it. One piece of advice: Just go on about your business, don’t pay any attention to my baby, and this Momma bear won’t maul you to death. Thanks!