*&%#@$

My parents didn’t swear at all when we were growing up. We were even dissuaded to use the word fart, our parents allowing us to say, “Who gassed?” instead. So how I ended up with a mouth that can put a sailor to shame–I don’t know.

I admit, at times, I have a potty mouth. I also admit that I have very poor timing. One instance involved both. Two Christmases ago I unwittingly blurted out WTF in a packed restaurant as we took part in a white elephant gift exchange. It wasn’t my fault entirely…tequila was involved. Which brings me to my next point.

There are 3 things that bring out my potty mouth: 1) drinking 2) watching football 3) getting woken up in the middle of the night. What am I a caveman?

They say that people with a poor vocabulary resort to cussing. Those people are wrong, cursing can be quite colorful and creative. I like to use it as decoration or an accessory, if you will. Sometimes it’s just a way to release. However, I realize that I need to put an end to it. I want my daughter to think the F word is fart and blush when she hears it. Didn’t work for me though, so I’m aware this will be a difficult job.

There’s no excuse for the first two things I listed. But I have to say that #3 is going to be a hard one to break. There have been many nights when I’ve pulled myself from bed without a word –a loud, exhaustive sigh–yes, but no words. But then there are those nights when a string of curse words escapes my mouth, grumbled to the darkness. I guess I won’t repeat them since I’m in the process of trying to break this nasty habit, but the latest was along the lines of “Bleep me in the bleep on Easter Sunday!” Not my proudest moment.

Maybe I acquired my potty mouth when I went to school in New York (for just 4 short months). People there pepper in “bad” words nonchalantly, so that you barely even notice they’ve said ’em. Or they just don’t give a fuck, whoops, shit, oops, care. When my professors used curse words, I thought “this is how the real world speaks.” Then I returned to my small town in California, and it was not how the real world spoke, not the world I was from.

I don’t want to threaten my daughter with washing her mouth out with soap (something my brothers and I heard from our mom, who once upon a time had it done to herself). But I don’t want her running around saying shitburger or ass clown either. Guess I’ll have to cut out drinking and football. Nah, I’ll just wear a muzzle instead.

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16 thoughts on “*&%#@$

  1. Love it! I’m a closet curser too. Somehow, I have total – almost – control around the princess, but when among adults only or better yet, every day on “paper” as I blog, I’m a motherfucking sailor. 😉 Thanks for the laugh!

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  2. Love your blog! Maybe we should start a club. I grew up in the inner city running the streets like a little chocolate “Artful Dodger” with a mouth that would put a sailor to shame. Then I got “born again,” cleaned up the mouth, got married and had children — pillar of the church and never said narey a sh*t or a f**k. Then when one of my kids dragged me through hell and back with her very poor teenage choices (soon to be a published memoir), I said “WTF? What was all that church going and upbringing for if there were no guarantees in life?” 🙂 Needless, to say, I went back to being myself, threw off the religiosity (kept me some Jesus), brought back my fiesty language and blew my children’s minds. When the rebellious one got her act together, the first thing she asked her baby sister was: “What the hell happened to Mom while I was going crazy?” Her sister’s reply: “Don’t ask; just roll with it!” LOL! Come by and visit sometime, I have enough swearing (not gratuitous) in my humorous stories to last you awhile. 🙂
    http://www.howthehelldidienduphere.wordpress.com

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    • Thanks, we should start a club! : ) Being yourself is always best…even if it involves a lot of cussing–besides you kept yourself some Jesus! I love that you blew your children’s minds. You know I’ll be stopping by. Thanks for stopping by here. : )

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  3. Great minds think alike! You and I posted about profanity within an hour of each other. It’s hard for me to restrict my language. Once a potty mouth, always a potty mouth. As for my favorite, I prefer the classics: “Mother-fucker!” and “Fuck me!”

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    • Awesome! I’m gonna go check out your post as soon as I’m done typing this. : ) Yes, I agree! After said incident at the restaurant, my New Year’s Resolution was to quit cursing…it lasted for about a week or two. Your favorites are 2 of my go-to’s as well (sounds like I”m bragging, but I’m not). I love Inside the Actor’s Studio when Lipton asks movie stars what their favorite curse word is. It reveals a lot about a person. : )

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  4. I too have a filthy mouth…and I try my hardest not to swear around the girls. I generally do a pretty good job but there are a few times when I’m just too frustrated where I may let the F word out. Like today! I was to my breaking point with the girls and their attitudes and let one slip when I realized that one of the twins only had one pair of tennis shoes that fit her…and I just washed them! Today was not my best day!

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    • Hah! That’s hilarious! I still cringe a little when I type a cuss word knowing that my mom will read it later. But I have to say, Fuck it! See what I did there…I wrote it out. So thanks for the courage. : )

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