Perpetually Late

I make plans and the baby laughs so hard she pees her pants. Good thing she wears diapers.

Whenever I try to plan something or say I’m going to be somewhere at a specific time, my daughter decides to take a marathon nap. No joke. Every. Single. Time. It’s like she turns into Stewie from Family Guy but she doesn’t want to kill me, she just wants to murder my plans.

When she takes these spontaneous long naps, you know there’s no way I’m going to wake her up to stick to my schedule. What am I completely nuts? If that baby is asleep, it’s a gift from God and I run with it…or sit my butt on the couch and enjoy every last moment of serenity. Screw my plans and arriving on time. The world can wait, dammit.

My mom told me to get used to it, that it was all part of being a parent. I know she’s right. But it’s hard to give up my punctuality. I was always on time before, and now I’m perpetually late. Friends and family are subjected to last minute texts that read, “Sorry…on my way” or “Just leaving now.” Or “Baby  just pooped and barfed everywhere…be there never.” This is expected with a little one but it takes some getting used to.

There is the rare occasion where I can get the diaper bag packed with everything from the nursery, the babe fed, changed, and strapped in, my wallet, my phone, my sunglasses, and keys and be out the door with just enough time to arrive ten seconds early. But it’s a full-blown production involving precise coordination and a functioning brain, so sometimes things get left behind.

Luckily, most everyone is understanding. They know how unpredictable being a Mummy is. I, on the other hand, need to get used to it, because I have a feeling I’m going to be running late for the rest of my life.