Time To Bust Out The Chundies

Chundies, as I’ve been referring to them recently, are chubby undies. Or granny panties. Or circus tents. Or whatever creative way you want to say big ol’ chonies. If I’m going to be honest, I busted out the chundies long ago in this pregnancy but I’m only just now getting around to writing about it…as if you’d been waiting your whole life to read this.

This Mummy has never been a thong, thong, thong, thong girl. When did I ever have to worry about panty lines? Never! And even if I did, I don’t think I would sacrifice my comfort by wearing butt floss just so that others wouldn’t be troubled by my visible underwear lines.

I don’t really understand the whole thong phenomenon. I get it if you’re wearing some fancy, curve-hugging number or you’re Giselle sashaying down the runway but just in everyday wear? To work and to the grocery store? Doesn’t make sense to me! Why would I want a skinny little piece of string up my crack all day? Sounds like torture.

As much as I’m a comfortable undies kind of gal, there is something terribly embarrassing about chundies. They’re just plain big and unsexy. It’s like trying to fold a parachute — you can’t really tell the front from the back. You don’t want anyone else in the world to see them either on you or in your drawers. You pray that your shirt doesn’t ride up in the back exposing your chundies bunched up around the top of your jeans…yes, there’s so much fabric that they bunch.

Almost everything about pregnancy is weird and embarrassing. When your body is taken over by ravaging hormones and an alien literally sucking the life out of you, you want to be comfy at all costs. So your pride is the first to go and then it’s your pretty, lacy underthings. I feel sorry for the women who are too ashamed to join the land of chundies, putting their comfort (and asses) at risk for the sake of femininity.

For now and the next four months I’m going to enjoy the comfort of my chundies and then throw them all away in a ceremony marking the end of my baby-making days. But don’t be fooled, this Mummy will never completely leave her chundies behind (though I definitely should). As any normal woman knows, there is always a spare chundie stuffed in the back of your underwear drawer.

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