Halloween is fast approaching, which we all know means a free pass to dress like a slut for one night. Who ever saw a kitten in fishnets? Or a nurse wearing a corset? A police officer in thigh-high boots? Not me!
A random catalog for costumes came in the mail awhile back. I flipped through it with such excitement, eager to find my daughter the perfect outfit for her first Halloween. I was drawn to the girly costumes like Tinkerbell and Snow White, thinking she’d look so precious in the glittery tutus. While these costumes were adorable, I came to the realization that she’d have plenty of time for Disney princesses later, so maybe I should choose something a little more neutral. Lambs and panda bears were more our speed.
I kept flipping, coming to the tween costumes. Let me just say that there’s no way I’d let my daughter even model some of these costumes, let alone purchase and wear out of the house in the dark of night. She has another thing coming if she thinks she’s going to be anything other than a ghost, completely covered in a white sheet, until she’s 18 years old. The only thing exposed will be her eyes…a mom can dream, right?
While carefully trying to decide which costume was least skanky for a baby, I somehow managed to do one worse. The costume I ended up buying her (which I thought was so funny and innocent) actually makes her a giant, yellow
wiener banana. The image of her dad and myself dressed as monkeys carrying around our little banana was too cute for words. I wasn’t even thinking how she’d be a huge yellow phallus. You think it would’ve dawned on me when I put the “tip” of the banana on her head. She’s going to be so embarrassed of the pictures when she’s older…so maybe I did do something right?