Fool Me Twice

I wasn’t going to tell you about this because I’m so consumed with being labeled a bad mom, but then I thought what the hell, it’ll be cathartic. So here goes.

A few days ago the baby crawled down the hall  and into our bedroom. I was doing some sort of chore, finishing up before I chased after her. She wasn’t in our room for more than half a minute. She hadn’t even made it to the hubby’s side table yet — her intended target. Just as she got one little mitt on the table, I snatched her up and we returned to the living room. How I failed to notice she had something in her mouth, I don’t know.

When Daddy got home, he asked what she was chewing on. Had I given her some puffs? Nope. I squeezed the sides of her cheeks, looking inside her tiny mouth. I saw something beige, like a rubber stopper. Freaking out, I put a hooked finger in her mouth and pulled out the culprit. She protested, wanting her prize back. When I saw what it was, I gagged. It was Daddy’s lost earplug! Ew! Ew! Ew!

This was mummy fail #1. Not only was my baby sucking on a disgusting, used earplug but she could’ve choked! I laughed in repulsion and shame.

Take 2.

The next day, baby cruised down the hall in her walker as I cleaned up her room. I heard her playing with the knobs on the small TV cabinet in our bedroom. I wasn’t worried as she was confined to the walker, and can barely reach across the tray attached to the front of it. I should have known better.

When I went to check on her, she had a small bag of screws in her hand, a huge smile on her face, and one screw on the tray in front of her.

Mummy fail #2.

It’s safe to say I freaked out again! But this time was worse because I had no idea if she had already ingested a piece of hardware. I grabbed everything from her, prompting another meltdown, and berated myself for being so stupid.

I know babies eat marbles and pennies and end up just fine. I counted the screws: 2 big pointy ones with washers, 3 small ones, and 1 tiny one with a little bolt around it. An even number would have made me feel better.

I knew that if she ate one, she’d pass it in a few days. So that left me with one thing to do: gross examinations of her poop. This is where my experience working in a veterinary clinic has paid off. Smooshing the contents of my daughter’s soiled diapers to make sure she didn’t ingest a piece of hardware is no problem at all. Scary thing is I’ve done worse.

Good news–no screw yet! And now I know to shut all the doors in the house when that little klepto is on the move!

14 thoughts on “Fool Me Twice

    • Thanks : ) To tell the truth, I’m the one who has to sleep with earplugs…the hubby doesn’t like to but used them the one night we let her cry for an hour. I find that if I don’t sleep with them, I sit and listen for my her. Plus, I can’t shut my brain off and they help with that. I have the hubby nudge me if the baby starts to cry. And yes, I’ve pretty much shouldered the nightshift solo since she was born. The joys of exclusivley breastfeeding…


  1. When they get to this age, we all celebrate the oodles of Cheerios they masterfully maneuver into their mouth, but then we soon discover that they can find and pick up everything and anything, and they do. My little guy tried to eat a hard, dried up piece of dog poop that my dog scraped off his butt, yep, mighty gross.

    But a word of caution, if your baby is choking, don’t do a finger sweep — you could just lodge it in deeper, just stay calm, and put baby on his back, and get the item out with a good, firm, flat handed push on his back, with baby’s head tilted forward.

    And, don’t worry, this has nothing to do with being a good mom, or a bad mom, it comes with the territory, but now I know why people take their shoes off, and keep their floors clean when they have little ones crawling around.



    • Haha! Thanks for sharing the dog poop story. Had me laughing out loud.
      And thanks for the tip about the finger sweep…I remember the lady in CPR saying not to do that, but it was my first instinct. Luckily, she wasn’t choking so I guess I thought it was ok. She was sucking on it like it was a delicious piece of candy. So gross.
      And yes, clean floors is a must these days!


  2. Oh my. You are a wonderful mom. My girls slathered themselves with vaseline, stuck cheerios up their noses, and put EVERYTHING into their mouths. Once after I had washed a pacifier in hot water and set it down to dry, my little one snatched it up and starting crying because the hot water trapped in it hurt her tongue. We all do our best, but keeping us on out toes is their full-time job.


    • You’re so right! She needs a promotion for the mighty fine job she’s doing keeping me on my toes! : ) Thanks for saying I’m a wonderful mom…coming from a fellow awesome mom, it means a lot.


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